Smudged Clementines

Cant you for once, just let me go?
I want to shout at you, pull you by the ears and say FUCK YOU.
but I wont do that, and I wont even whisper that you hurt me every single day..
for years you have tortured me, burned within me..
My guilt has been the worst, and even at age 10 you had me worry about things, that when I think back..were nothing to be worried about!
You get me upset at myself, but you don't let me be negative to myself...and I guess I'm grateful for that..and I am grateful for the life that I have, and the places I've traveled,the people I've met..the music I've heard.
but, MOTHERFUCK YOU.

EVERY DAY. Gets sadder and sadder.
I'm happy, but Im sad. and aren't those the plainest words you've ever heard?
their dull!
Sorry is dull too.
and you know what?
I feel sorry for myself. Every single day.
Mike once told me, (one day when I texted him while I was in bed,away from school, in a dark room, with the shades down, while the sun was out in the outside world), that I had to just stop feeling sorry for myself and do something..
but this is different, this is a torture that I cant escape..

It's like Im cursed with a demon that I wont even approach , because I'm in Demon Denial....we could shorten it to D.D if you want..

there are no words, I wish to express except FUCK YOU CONSCIENCE.

but I hope that one day...someone will be able to see past you, or more that YOU will be able to see past him, and you can both glare towards my smudging lashes of galaxy clementines..(or my left and right eye)