Today Today Today

To be perfectly honest I don't know whats wrong,
and I thought this only happened when I had had too much to drink or too much of the party atmosphere, too much tobacco....
but now it must be something else because it happened today.
The past few days I've felt overly tired...the only problem is that I'm not tired.
My face is white as snow, whereas my hands continue to be a light brown.
10 minutes ago i put my hands up to my face and the contrast is scary.

Today at the film club, I felt that something was wrong in my stomach..after half an hour of not being able to deal with it anymore, i walked into the bathroom and wet a paper towel to put on my forehead.

Still i felt weak, and sat with my pants on , on the toilet and took deep breaths.
The water was still running in the faucet.
i tried to focus on the sound of the running water.
Everything started to get hot, so i had to take of my sweater .
My head band came off with it.
I had to get out of that small area, so i got out and walked to the couch in the corridor.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8

Now i couldnt see the couch, but i felt that it was there, and fell on my side , onto the couch.

After 10 seconds my site cleared up, and I could see again.
I hate when i go blind for just 20 seconds, dont you?

I got myself together, put my headband on, and took a deep breath.
I figured the movie room is cooler than this corridor, and i need to cool off.

Fever.

Or is it really a fever?

I went back into the room as if nothing had happened, and continued to watch Pulp Fiction.

This has happened maybe 9 times in my life?...8 times?

Twice when I was about 11 or 12, and then we thought it was because I was anemic..but I have no clue.

I guess I just have to keep living the day, today today, and then tomorrow too.