12:45 AM

Why don't you love me?
how can't you find me?
where do you want me?
what do you like?

The idea of you continues, my loneliness digs deeper, but now I simply choose to be alone, simply because I can.
The forest is expanding and I am quickly forgetting how I ended up here and how I even return home, who do I ask for directions?
It seems like in everything I write includes YOU, and I never give it another title because well...you are who you are; a stranger.
I like that about you, you're mysterious and you linger around behind me. I often smile when I think about the future and I plan out where we'll be...but then I remember that I've always planned ahead..I say I hate planning but I always plan ahead!
and maybe nothing will ever happen, because if I've been planning since I was 13, and am now 17...I should be with YOU now. If mathematics works, then i'm supposed to be laying next to you at this very moment.
In a minute or so you might say, stop with the typing and kiss me.
I wish.

In an hour or so we might make love and you'll kiss me in every imaginable place , just because you can. The next morning Ill leave you in my bed, because I have to go to school and anyway you have to sleep.
All day I have conversations and engage myself in discussions, but I wont really be there. The entire day I'll think of you my beautiful lover, beautiful being. Ill look out the window, the sun will be out and Ill smile because I know your in my room feeling the same rays through the glass window. I'll go to the bathroom and just look in the mirror and smile. Close my eyes as hard as I can, tighten them so I see little floating circular amoebas , or what I like to call amoebas..I know it's simply an illusion. And then I realize that you are too, and I remember that the only thing feeling the sun through the window in my room are my sheets. And that all I can do is think who you might be. Where you are walking at this very moment, how you are feeling, and when I will meet you, How?

It feels wrong to say Im unhappy, I swear that I'm not, But then happiness is such a dull word anyway.